“जिन खोजा तिन पाइया, गहरे पानी पैठ।
मैं बपुरा बूढ़न डरा, रहा किनारे बैठ॥”
(Those who dared to dive, found the pearls deep within.
I, poor timid one, stood on the shore, afraid to go in.)
The workplace is like the ocean. It is vast with waves of collaboration, tides of competition, and undercurrents that pull unseen. Ego is often one such current. It does not wear a name badge, but it sits in meetings, writes emails, and stands between colleagues. It can make leaders rigid and teams distant. But looking deeper beneath the surface, we find that ego is not just about arrogance. It is often about fear, identity, and a desire to matter.
What if managing our ego and others’ was not a battle, but an invitation to deeper leadership?
Let’s step off the shore and look into more profound insights.
🌿 Ego as a shadow of insecurity
Ego tends to surface when there is uncertainty, when a person feels overlooked, unheard, or undervalued. Instead of judging it harshly, we can learn to notice the patterns.
- A manager becomes controlling when decisions feel chaotic.
- A team member becomes resistant when they fear being replaced.
- A leader deflects feedback to avoid confronting discomfort.
Rather than branding people as “difficult,” it helps to ask-What might they be trying to protect?
The goal is not to eliminate ego.
🌿 The mirror before the window
Leadership often teaches us to look outward, manage the team, shape the culture, make things work. But ego work starts with turning inward.
- When do I speak over others in meetings?
- Do I feel unsettled when someone else shines?
- Am I holding onto authority because I fear becoming irrelevant?
To lead with clarity, we must first clean our own lens.
Kabir reminds us:
“मन के हारे हार है, मन के जीते जीत।
कहैं कबीर हरि पाइए, मनही के परतीत॥”
(If your mind gives up, you have lost; if it believes, you have won.
Kabir says, trust the mind, there you will find the Divine.)
Managing ego is not about suppressing ourselves. It is about transforming insecurity into insight.
🌿 Build a culture that humbles, not hushes
Ego thrives where there is silence and posturing. But it softens in spaces of trust.
- Invite honest, difficult conversations without fear of ridicule.
- Practice gratitude visibly. Appreciation is not ego inflation, it is connection.
- Encourage peer recognition, not just top-down validation.
Teams that feel safe do not need to shout to be heard. When everyone is seen, ego takes a seat in the back.
🌿 Do not fight ego, frame it
When conflicts arise due to ego, our instinct might be to assert dominance or withdraw. But both approaches reinforce the ego’s grip.
Instead, try reframing the dynamic:
- Replace “You are being difficult” with “Help me understand your concern.”
- Move from “I know what is best” to “Let us explore what could work best for all.”
- See ego not as obstruction, but a clue to where healing is needed.
Small shifts in language create wide spaces for dignity.
🌿 When power meets purpose
A hidden cause of ego-flare is unanchored power. Titles, achievements, and years of experience can feed the ego if not balanced by purpose.
As leaders, reconnect often with:
- Why we chose this work in the first place.
- Who we are serving beyond targets and KPIs.
- What impact we want to leave behind.
Kabir’s verse is a gentle reminder:
“गुरु गोविंद दोऊ खड़े, काके लागूँ पाय।
बलिहारी गुरु आपने, गोविंद दियो बताय॥”
(When both Guru and God stand before me, whose feet do I touch?
I bow to the Guru, who showed me the path to God.)
In the workplace, the Guru may be a mentor, a moment of stillness, or the voice of humility that reminds us true strength lies in service, not superiority.
🌿 Repair, do not replace
Often, when ego causes friction, the temptation is to write people off. “She is too arrogant”, “He will never change.”
But transformative leadership means choosing dialogue over dismissal.
- Initiate one-on-one conversations to understand the root of behaviours.
- Share impact, not accusation: “When this happens, it makes others feel excluded.”
- Set boundaries compassionately, leadership is not permissiveness.
Restoration takes more time than reaction, but it builds trust that lasts.
Reflections to sit with
- When has my own ego created distance in my relationships or decisions?
- How can I create a culture where people feel safe to show up honestly?
- What would happen if I assumed others egos are simply their way of protecting what they value?
- What is one thing I can change in my tone, approach, or mindset to model humility?
- What deeper purpose can guide me when ego starts to cloud my clarity?
Managing egos, our own and others’ is not a checklist or a conflict strategy. It is a lifelong practice in awareness, empathy, and presence.
At Kabir Learning Foundation, we believe workplaces are not just spaces for output, they are spaces for inner work. And managing ego is part of that inner work. It is about learning to speak not from the wound, but from wisdom.
Leadership is not about having no ego. It is about knowing when to set it aside to make room for connection, courage, and collective growth.
To know more about our work on this body of knowledge –
Write to us at: [email protected] Visit: www.kabirlearning.in
